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April 9, 2013

Be a Man...Stop Apologizing!

Gibbs Rule #6 “Never apologize, it is a sign of weakness.” 

By definition, an apology is an admission of an error accompanied by a genuine expression of regret.


I was in a situation, not long ago, where an apology would have smoothed over a very tense situation.  While this situation was not of my causing or even close to being my fault, I was expected to cop for what had taken place. One very good friend of mine came to me and said “If you just apologize it will all go away.” I was inwardly perplexed by my friends suggestion. 

I took the suggestion with grace, but I could not understand why anyone would want me to lay down and offer an apology when it was so clearly not my fault. I could only think that it would be clearly stupid to apologize because I had not done anything that was considered an “error.”

I am not some strong headed idiot that thinks he never does anything wrong. In fact, I have used apologies possibly way too much in my lifetime. Where I was born and raised, “sorry’s” litter the language continuously.

I do understand the need for apologies. I recognize that when someone has harmed or wronged someone in some way, an apology is offered in order to bring about reconciliation and peace. My intention is not to encourage a carefree lifestyle where we go about harming people and never taking responsibility. Apologies are an essential part of life, even Gibbs broke his own rule a few times...

However, I am referring to a much different situation I find in today's culture.  We, as a people, apologize constantly and for no good reason at all. For example, in my case I was not wrong and therefore had no need for such an expression. In fact, to offer an apology would have only added to the wrongdoing of another. 

So what did I do?  I did not offer an apology nor did I seek some type of reconciliation. You might think me extreme, but I had no intention of owning up to something I had not done.

Here are my 8 reasons of why you should not hastily offer up an apology:

1. You Are Not Wrong

Regardless of what another may think of your actions, it is not your responsibility to apologize for something that you have not done. In my situation, the blame was completely unjust.  Therefore, I would not accept responsibility. Why should anyone submit themselves to another when they are innocent?

2. Guilt is Precise
If a man did not steal from a store...then guess what? He is not a thief. Guilt and innocence are exact properties. An entire legal system rests itself on the understanding that there is a clear truth. That a man or woman is either innocent or guilty of the charges. Obviously the system sometimes gets it wrong.  But the chief end of that system is guilt or innocence. Fingerprints and DNA found at a crime scene either exonerate or convict an individual. Daily reality teaches us that a man either participated or did not participate in a crime. 

3. Philosophical Problem
In my situation, I was clearly between a rock and a hard place. I could say sorry, but then I would have been lying. Or I could stand my ground and be socially punished for it. The problem with saying you’re sorry is a very simple one. To apologize would be assuming a very important fact, admitting fault and confessing my guilt. One should only apologize when there has been an obvious violation or breaking of a code. To say “sorry” is to say I have wronged you in some way. If you have not wronged someone then how in the world can you apologize for it? You could say, “If I have offended you.”  Which to me is ridiculous. If someone said that to me, I would be frustrated that the individual had no clue what they had done and they were not really owning up to anything.

4. People Tend to Determine Right and Wrong With Emotion
I am not bashing individuals for not holding to a particular idea of right or wrong. My only observation here is that when an individual does not hold to a clear set of guidelines for right or wrong; then determination of right or wrong is based purely upon emotion. I find that those who determine right or wrong based on emotion can become erratic because right or wrong depends upon their feelings. If they feel like you have done something wrong, then you have done something wrong. Gossip becomes the truth and they have determined guilt based solely on emotion. Hearing you out is simply a formality.  

5. Men Stand Their Ground When They Are Right
One characteristic I think a man ought to have by the bucket load is the unbending ability to stand for right despite what others may think or say. Men who shrink back from standing boldly for their principles are not men at all.

6. You Are Nervous
The reality is an apology tells you more about yourself than you would like to admit. It may convey that you are extremely self conscious and would apologize for your very existence if given half the chance. People are naturally very nervous creatures. We become nervous around certain people and all of a sudden we say things because we have been put on the spot. Control yourself take a deep breath and stop apologizing.

8. Make Your Actions Speak Louder
I feel that apologies can convey a sense of fear and weakness. This is totally up to you, but me personally, I reserve them now for special occasions. I think that it is far better to treat people properly than to have to offer an apology for your actions later. Live in such a way that does not require a “sorry.”

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

amen brother!

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